Why I Don’t Call Myself a Parenting Expert
— and why I believe you’re the expert on your child
Lately, I’ve noticed something.
When I talk about parenting—especially now that I’ve created a parenting method—some of my parent friends look… a little nervous.
They’ll make a joke like,
“I bet I’m doing everything wrong.”
Or they’ll say something like,
“You probably wouldn’t approve of how I handled bedtime last night.”
I get it.
But I want to say this clearly: that’s not who I am.
And that’s not what Resourced Parenting is about.
I’m not here to judge anyone’s parenting.
I’m not here to offer one right way to do things.
And I’m definitely not interested in pretending I have all the answers.
I don’t.
The truth is, I don’t even call myself a parenting expert—on purpose.
Even though I’m a licensed therapist…
Even though I’ve spent years studying neuroscience, child development, and emotional regulation…
I still believe the real expert on your child is you.
You Know Your Child Best
Every child is different.
Every parent is different.
Every relationship between a parent and child is totally unique.
And no method—mine included—can account for all of that.
What I’m offering through Resourced Parenting isn’t a set of rules.
It’s a set of tools based on science.
Lenses that can help you see what’s going on underneath the surface—and trust your own wisdom more deeply.
I’m here to bridge the gap between the science and the real world—
to take what we know from research and make it usable in everyday parenting moments.
Because the science isn’t meant to dictate how you parent.
It’s here to support you as you learn how to meet your unique child’s needs with more clarity, confidence, and connection.
That’s what this method is here to support.
Behavior Is a Clue
One of the most powerful tools I share in Resourced Parenting is the idea of behavior clues.
Children don’t always have the words to say what they need.
Their brains are still growing.
Their nervous systems are still learning how to regulate.
They aren’t misbehaving on purpose.
They’re communicating the only way they know how: through behavior.
So when you see a meltdown, or resistance, or big emotions, the Resourced Parenting approach doesn’t ask:
“How do I stop this?”
It asks:
“What is this trying to tell me?”
That simple shift—from frustration to curiosity—is where everything begins to change.
The Borrowed Brain
There’s a concept I love from neurodevelopmental science:
Young children don’t yet have access to the full abilities of their brain—especially the parts that plan, regulate, and make sense of the world.
So in a very real way, they borrow our brains.
They rely on us to observe, to reflect, to interpret what’s going on, and to help them meet their needs.
You see the pattern.
You notice the environment.
You understand the context.
And you help connect the dots—not just to stop the behavior, but to meet the need underneath it.
That’s what leadership looks like in parenting.
Not control.
Not perfection.
But attuned, wise presence.
This is the heart of Resourced Parenting.
Start Here
This is where Resourced Parenting begins—
Not with techniques or scripts,
but with observation and curiosity.
Learning to notice your child’s behavior as a signal—not a problem.
When you start paying attention through this lens,
you’ll begin to understand what your child is asking for—
even when they can’t say it out loud.
And when you understand the need,
you can respond in ways that truly help.
In the next post, I’ll walk you through how to meet those needs in two different ways:
real-time resourcing (in the moment) and
structural resourcing (through rhythms and environment).
But for now, just start with this:
Look.
Get curious.
See if there’s a clue.
And remind yourself:
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re learning. And you’re not alone in that.
I’m here to share the science and the tools.
But the expert on your child—
the one who’s building the relationship, moment by moment—
is you.
References
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Delacorte Press.
Bowlby, J. (1982). Attachment and Loss: Vol. 1. Attachment (2nd ed.). Basic Books. (Original work published 1969)
Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (2nd ed.). PuddleDancer Press.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, Self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
Greene, R. W. (2014). The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children (5th ed.). Harper.
Souers, K., & Hall, P. (2016). Fostering Resilient Learners: Strategies for Creating a Trauma-Sensitive Classroom. ASCD.